It's been a while

At last, I am done with the translation project on "A History of Chinese Architecture", possibly the most challenging of all projects I've worked on so far.  The mere fact of completing this monster and the sense of achievement is sweet. ^.^  But I am presently totally "brain-drained" and enervated.  I've been feeling the fatigue for a few days now, this delayed physical response is a bitch!  I can't think; can't make up my mind on anything; can't muster enough of anything to do anything ~~~and now that fall is right on the doorstep and I'm feeling the chill creeping into our old house every night, all I want to do is curl up in warm, downy, fluffy blanket and drink warm "Yuzi honey" water.  sigh. 

A.n.y.h.o.w,  I'm slowly bouncing back to life, and my brain slowing convalescing back to normal-mode.  My Colorado trip was wonderful!  It's like I've already been to Tibet without actually being in Tibet and going through all the political baloney.  Other than that, I've been emotionally occupied by some completely unexpected and ridiculously girly nonsense -- I've been feeling mushy for a while now.  Time to look ahead and pull myself together.  (=.=)

Congratulations to Mo Yan on receiving the Nobel Literature Prize, though reading some of the online comments is an exasperating experience, as expected.  This kind of honor/event taking place in China, unfortunately, has a greater chance of ruining the person entitled than if it were to take place elsewhere.  There are two terms coming to mind:  "棒殺" and "捧殺" -- "to kill with stick" versus "to kill with praise".  It's a lot easier for the popular opinion pendulum to swing to extremes than coming to rest in the middle ground.  When it comes to reason, to good sense (common sense), and to appropriateness, this land still has much to learn.  OH, and maybe it's time to pick up one of his earlier (better?) books and give it a try? 

Going to return to art projects and reading routines ~~~  winter is coming, my favorite season! 

crazy sunday costume play

My artist friend came over and we decided to work on a little fun costume play project, aiming to achieve the effect of 1920/30 Shanghai poster girls.  Everything was improvised, and my friend made the best use of the materials that I had.  She's so talented at this. =)

black and white enhances the worn photo effect

I'm impersonating a cigarette-ad girl back in the old days in Shanghai

the "cigarette" I'm holding is actually an eye-brow pencil!



“信”的點滴

“信”的點滴


早就想談宗教，當然也只是淺談。我不過六合中一芥子，沒有能力談得大，只想通過這個話題試圖稍微剖析自己 -- 一生最難的課題。

是恐懼和迷惑讓我逐漸開始接受信仰的合理存在性，這應該與許多人一樣。對於各種宗教的忠實信徒來説，都認爲自己的宗教是唯一正統。個人拙見，這正是“惡魔”存在的證據之一。對於我，沒有任何一種現存宗教可以讓我張開雙臂、堅定地將其擁抱。我是一個雙眼蒙蔽、雙手不停摸索、步伐蹣跚試探前行的“渡者”。

信仰不是重復默念神的尊稱（雖然出於習慣，我也會這麽做）；信仰不是定期去同樣的地方進行群體式的相互確認、社交活動、認識新朋寒暄舊友、舉辦慈善活動（這些都是良善的事情，但我不稱它們為“信仰”）；信仰更不是以一種幾乎“語言暴力”的方式試圖讓“自己的佛”取代“他人的佛”。信仰對於我，只有一個主要意義—即獲得智慧的過程。是的，信仰等於智慧。

正因如此，以恐懼、威嚇、以及“站隊文化”作爲收服信徒和對待非信徒的手段的宗教，我都從靈魂裏無法接受。什麽叫站隊文化？站隊文化是我最熟悉的華夏文化的核心内容。簡單地說，就是:“if you don’t play for my team, you are going to hell”。或許因爲我是崇拜智慧的人，所以站隊文化這種拙劣説辭又怎能讓人心服。我厭惡站隊文化，因爲它太容易訴諸於各種暴力手段，因爲它代表了華夏三千年車軲轆原地轉的窘境，因爲它的核心是人治，與道德、理性、客觀的正確與否都沒有必然聯繋、因爲它代表了一種簡單暴力的思維。只要看過一些中國文化的古裝劇，就一定熟悉那若干朝代的君君臣臣、那“大哥，兄弟們跟你一條道走到黑”的臺詞、那被人稱頌了數千年的“桃園三結義”而實際卻當不得一個“大”字的劉關張三兄弟。這些，不都是人治的站隊文化嗎？

正因爲我太熟悉太膩煩這種思維的惡劣本質，所以當一個宗教告訴我：“如果你不信我們的神，你就不能被救贖”時，你應該知道我對這種宗教是什麽印象和看法。我自身的文化背景和價值取向注定了我無法接受這類宗教。讓我心服口服只有一個途徑，就是用智慧説服我，用可以解釋世界、宇宙、萬物法則的大智慧讓我匍匐叩拜。

我認爲我們的世界存在“大信仰”，即解釋人生、宇宙、萬物法則的大道之學（這也是我所謂的“信仰”）。但更多被世人接觸的實際上是“民間信仰”，即求世俗之事、求在世榮祿、求身後安心的信仰。像有些佛學法師，講經論道時談什麽“虔誠敬拜觀音菩薩，即可懷男胎”之類，著實令人覺得可笑。這真是濃濃沾染了中土文化的“佛學”。因此，注意區分開兩者，實際是非常重要的課題。當然，我是俗人，自然不能擺脫於民間信仰，但卻同時希望在大道之學方面也可略有所悟。

phantasmagoria

So I was walking down Fifth after a filling dinner, not alone.  It was supposed to be a day of celebration, not for me, but mostly for my friend.  But neither of us was really in the right mood.  My friend was upset and generally feeling tired for a number of reasons.  I felt the same way but couldn't pin down why.  My mind was drifting away as the same old scenes flashed by on Fifth, cars, tourists, shops.  I was drifting thousands of miles away.  My friend was talking about how things seem so much bigger when we are kids, but are in fact much smaller as you get older.  I was remembering the only main street in my hometown, and there used (and probably still is) to be a park, more like an old folks' home with the entrance facing the main street, with a big staircase that seemed too steep to me, I was 3 or 4.  My grandparents used to take me there for a walk, or for the swing.  And I was thinking of my dad, of how he needs to gain some weight or he'd become a veritable beanpole of an old man.  Old man.  And I was recalling this passage I read in Ghost Train to the Eastern Star by Paul Theroux, about an old man, roughly in his sixties, Paul meets in Myanmar.  The country, its people, all in decrepit condition.  Scenes of despair and dread.  The old man gets two dollars of pension every month, he lives in a bamboo shack with a rent of four dollars every month.  The old man owns a beatup scooter rickshaw of somekind, the kind that needs manual peddling.  He is a teacher for forty years.  But he is making his ends meet nearing the end of his days by peddling visitors from one place to another.  His daughter decides not to marry so she could look after her poor old dad.  I think maybe it's this passage, the old man's story, that somehow ruined my day, and my mood.  So I was experiencing this phantasmagoria of scenes and objects that I didn't really wish to think about. 

random tidbits

白頭髮又多了，尤其是左邊，一動腦子就這樣，所以我就應該從事不動大腦的工作。或許到四十歲的時候乾脆染成一頭銀髮好了。

肥大最近的表現超好，和我越來越親

書借了一堆，卻連一本都讀不完

終于安裝了無限網絡，確實非常方便，正在適應新手提電腦，安裝有的沒的，可是卻非常干擾我專心做事情啊 =.=

突然明白過來，中國文化的傳統核心--之一--不是“忠”和“義”嗎（還可以加上個“孝”）。這幾種情感，都不是理智的、也不一定是基於普世道德的。忠義不就是不辨是非和黑白地跟定自己的主子嗎，主子可以是君主、也可以是大哥、或者也可以是祖先（孝）。説到底，就是“跟人站隊”文化。一生榮辱就取決於是否站對了隊伍，跟對了人。其他都是次要的。
所以，“西方”普世價值應該很難在這片忠義之土生根發芽的。因爲這股陰魂不散的精神直到現在也還在主宰著中原的樂土。

中國風

經同事介紹，在法拉盛發現了“中國風”書屋。佔地不大，但書籍頗多，都是大陸過來的書。難得的是，看店的女店主懂書，且會“察言觀色”，與客人幾句話一說，就大概知道哪些書是你的“那杯茶”。書店裏自然也有暢銷書，比如説大陸團組最青睞的各種政治禁書，兒童書籍，和食譜之類。但文學書籍也非常多，雖然有些雜亂，但品味好的也不少。我隨意問了一句是否有陳丹青的，女店主立刻就給我找了起來。在得知我偏好“文筆好的”（算是業務培訓吧），又推薦了我一本。最後，斬獲四本，都應是文筆不錯的書。

笑談大先生 - 陳丹青

臺北人 - 白先勇

空杯 - 張宗子 （店主推薦，文筆果然很不錯）

一燈風雨，書人書話精粹 - 生活讀書新知三聯書店